I just broke up - Funny

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

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The hands of God - Inspirational

The hands of God draw you close, hold you near and embrace you forever. May your heart be assured today of how very precious You are to Him. Good evening!

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A friend is someone - Friendship

--1--

A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.

--2--

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

--3--

Though our communication wanes at times of absence, I'm aware of a strength that emanates in the background.

--4--

Friend - a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection and loyalty.

--5--

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

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I know that you - Funny

--1--

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

--2--

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

--3--

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

--4--

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

--5--

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

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There's no half-singing - Funny

--1--

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

--2--

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

--3--

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

--4--

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

--5--

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

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If it weren't for - Funny

--1--

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

--2--

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

--3--

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

--4--

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

--5--

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year

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I used to think - Funny

--1--

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

--2--

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

--3--

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

--4--

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

--5--

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

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He who laughs last - Funny

--1--

He who laughs last is generally the last one to get the joke.

- Terry Cohen

--2--

A social study has concluded that a woman's ultimate fantasy is having two men at a time! In the fantasy, one cooks while the other cleans the house. Hehehe.

--3--

Don't be unhappy if all your dreams never come true, just be thankful that your nightmares don't too.

--4--

Can you imagine a world without men? No crimes and lots of happy fat women!

- Nicole Hollander

--5--

It is a scientific fact that 1 out of 3 people is ugly. Look at the person at your left and right. If they are good looking, you're in big trouble!

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Sometimes, I feel like - Funny

--1--

Sometimes, I feel like a cup of coffee. A little bitter, a little sweet, but oh so hot!

--2--

I hate liquor and I hate men. To me, they are my enemies! But then again, God said, "Love your enemies." So, what can I do? Disobey God? Amen.

--3--

Difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit and not a vegetable. Wisdom is knowing not to include it in a fruit salad.

--4--

Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones to make! Try a different one each day!

--5--

You're driving a car at steady speed. On your left is a drop off and on your right is a fire engine going at same speed you are. In front is a galloping horse the same size as your car so you can't overtake. Behind is a galloping zebra. What must you do to get out of this dangerous situation? Get off the Merry-Go-Round!

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